Divorce is still around 50% in the U.S. and has not tapered off despite efforts thus far. Yet it is interested to note that the dissolving of a marriage rarely, if ever, happens overnight.
Of course, when couples hide their trouble marriages externally, it seems like a surprise to most. But it's not. The hurt, anger, bitterness, unforgiveness and resentment has been building up for some time until it completely consumes the little specks of love that were barely holding on.
Marriage is important
When we think about how divorce tears apart families, marriages, homes, lives and children, we can only be reminded of the importance of our commitment to our marriages and to each other.
Yet, homes across America are painted with painful memories of the ashes and burnt embers of ruined marriages. So, what can we do?
As Marriage Coaches, speakers and authors, we believe not only in reparative help but preventative help. In other words, we ask ourselves and couples what things can we do to prevent a marital disaster, or even prevent the marriage from getting to that point.
When it's too late
Unfortunately, most couples actually wait until it is too late to repair, and in most cases, too late to save their marriage. The last ditch effort of the court intercessor rarely works, if at all. Friends usually lean towards separation and divorce, and families easily and speedily side up with one or the other. Of course, there are always exceptions to the rule on everything, and we are thankful for friends and family that are unbiased.Generally speaking, however, it's usually past the point of civil discussion and unbiased external influence is rare.
Many couples have a naive hope that somehow "time will heal" without working fervently towards physically and emotionally repairing damage done to their marriage.
Absence does not make the heart grow fonder
Often couples are told to separate or give the other person distance. They reason given is that they have time to calm down, to cool off and think on solutions and ways to improve their relationship.
In most cases, this is more destructive then reparative!
It is during these times of separation and distance that the spouse actually learns to depend on someone other than their spouse. This action does not usually result in the restoration of this relationship. Instead it breeds the feelings and emotions of life without the spouse. In essence, any type of distance or separation festers the wounds and brings a completion of dissolving, not restoration, to an already damaged relationship.
Signs to watch for
There are some things we can do to help prevent the marriage from slipping down the slippery slope of destruction, and if you are aware of these things, you can do something about it. It's what you don't know that will negatively impact you.
1. You think of life without your spouse
2. The bad is more than the good
3. You keep secrets
4. Your intimacy decreases greatly
5. One or both has given up on the relationship
6. Arguments and fights are not resolved
7. Friends and family become more important than the spouse
Now's the time!
If you see ANY of these signs currently in relationship, don't wait! Take action now! Find a Marriage coach or counselor. Get some help. Not friends or family, a professional; an unbiased third party.
Many attend church where their pastor or spiritual leader is positioned to help. Make sure that any influence, whether spiritual leader or professional help is unbiased and does not have hidden agendas or secret favoritism. But whatever and whoever, get help.
Save your marriage before it needs saving!
Mike Fox - Keeping marriage topics real, down to earth, real and practical. We help two hearts beat as one.
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